Hey Kids!
Making his very first appearance on the Johnny U, everyone please extend a warm welcome to Herbert the Violently Spooging Elephant!
Herbert hails from deep in the African savanna and we're pleased to have him on the symposium. Apart from his obvious talent, Herbert also excels at trampling small to medium sized brush, bathing with his trunk and swatting tsetse flies with his tail. Here are some other fast facts:
- Herbert enjoys Jessica Alba movies.
- Herbert once engaged a lion in a staring contest. The lion won.
- Herbert thinks Chuck Norris is a pussy, but wouldn't tell him to his face.
- Herbert's piano has ivory keys, but he doesn't find it ironic.
- Herbert was discovered in the wild between 1927 and 1931 by Wilbur Burris and it changed his life forever.
- Herbert has a cleft toe on his left rear leg, but hasn't let it stop him from achieving.
- Herbert loves mice and has a terrible memory.
- Herbert isn't embarrassed by his body.
- Herbert thinks global warming is bullshit.
- Herbert can't vote, but if he could it would be for Hillary.
Remember kids, Herbert is a wild animal and extremely dangerous. He's no camel, but watch out - he spits!
OK, it's time he was on his way home now.
Goodbye Herbert... see you soon!
