Coolin' (1 day)

The Existential Us is back from Paris, checking in on the Johnny once again. We/I/Us are/am/is busy getting situated for tomorrow's Takeover (note the handy countdown up above), so this will be brief.

Paris was everything we/us thought it would be. Pictures were snapped (Crazy Action Jumping and Faux Homelessness galore), museums were visited (except that pesky d'Orsay - closed on Monday), fake French accents were utilized, ridiculously hot French women were leered at, Quick Burgers were consumed, wine was smuggled, modern art videos were filmed, Le Catacomb was NOT visited, and French porn was NOT purchased (due mostly to lack of funds).

Rest assured that most of this wildly hilarious action will be hitting the JUhS screens in the not-too-distant future.

Until then, we leave you with this shot, which we/us feel sums up the trip quite nicely:


-Andrek Runvoni (JUhS)

An Open Letter to Edward Norton (8 days)

Earlier this week, the British media* ran a story claiming Edward Norton will portray Bruce Banner in next year's Hulk follow-up, The Incredible Hulk.

Almost immediately, I felt a snap somewhere in the back of my head. It hurt a little. I was vexed.


Umm ... Ed. Buddy. Brah.

What the fuck?

Seriously, what are you thinking? Did you not catch the first one? Don't expend the effort; it was a Piece Of Shit. Just walk away! Now, while you still can. You have a great career. We'll even forgive you for Death to Smoochy. Please, don't do this.

Sure, they got rid of Ang Lee, so we know it won't be another wearisome, overbearing atrocity. But hey, the same guys are running the show. And guess who they're bringing in to direct? A fucking Frenchman. You know how I feel about the French. I know this guy's got a career to look after (Transporter 3!), but believe me - he would love nothing more than to destroy yours.

You, Edward, one of the greatest American actors working right now. Then he'll fly back home, drink delicious wine, eat a baguette, and fuck some beautiful women. In other words, he'll be OK. And you'll be left there, dick in hand, wondering why Scarlett won't call you back.


Ehh ... who the hell cares anymore? Go ahead, make the fucking film. You'll be fine. We all know the real reason you're doing it, anyway:


Have fun getting stuck in a job you detest just for the payout ... like someone ... else ... I know. Wait, what?

[* Dark Horizons also ran this.]