The Johnny U Newsreel: ARE YOUR BRACKETS BOOMDED OR BUSTED?

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The most amazing four days in the history of the year?!

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The least exciting first day in the history of recent memory?!?!

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DUKE DROPPING DANK DEFECATION ON THE DANCEFLOOR??!!??!!!!!

This just in--

[What's the name of that pool I should've joined by never got around to?]

You asshat. You mean the JUBL's first annual facebook tournament pool? It's the awesome.

[Tell us, won't you? Who's in the lead?]

None other than Joseph Morgenstern, longtime friend to the Johnny. He's only a perfect 16/16 on day one.

[How are the founding dad dudes' brackets doing?]

Andy, Andrew, and Derek's are just fine, thanks. Michael Thomas, not so much is actually doing alright as well.

[What's the prize for winning?]

In addition to year-long bragging rights, the winner will receive one (1) post on the Johnny. This post can cover any topic of the winner's choosing. Our only request: that it not suck. The use of fictional characters is, as always, highly encouraged. (-pending JUhS committee approval-)

[Is there any other news to report besides basketball?]

Yeah. Cricket fucking sucks.

Happy Day Two to everybody. Until next time, after Kevin Durant melts all our faces, signing off from your favorite website and most trusted news source...

...THE JOHNNY U NEWSREEL

The Johnny U Newsreel: HOLY FUCK, ANDY IS BACK

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An Andrews W. Cope sighting?!

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Sexy beards in the world of high finance?!?!

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HOT MONKEY AUTOFELLATIO??!!??!!!!!

This just in--

[Will Andy ever post again, EVER?]

You heard it here first on the newsreel. It was only a matter of when, and when is now. Catch it all here.

[Is this the comeback story of the year?]

Of the century, quite possibly.

[Michael Thomas on IMDB? And gay?!]

Yes and Probably.

[Will Dancing with the Stars suck a huge dick?]

Our primate friend says it all.

[Is the JUBL really hosting a facebook tourney pool?]

Yeah, and if you haven't joined already, kill yourself. Do it.

Until next time, when there'll be more 1318% accurate headlines from your favorite website and most trusted news source...

...THE JOHNNY U NEWSREEL

The Johnny U Newsreel: SHOCKING TWISTS & HAPPENINGS

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JOHNNY U INFIGHTING?!!???!

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TURF WARS????!!!!

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CHEESEBALLZ???!!!!?!?!?!!

This just in--

[Did Andrew hijack newsman entity "Nels St. Claire" for his own demented purposes?]

Stay tuned for the latest...

[Will Derek call on the services of the Toledo Hitsquad Assassins, led by his older brother?]

Dunno, stay right here if you want to find out...

[Is Michael Thomas looking to steal Andrew's parking space and take a shit all over it?]

We don't really want to know, but maybe you do ... so, stick around...

[Will Andy ever post again, EVER?]

It's probably a matter of when, not if, but hey ... you gotta keep it tuned right here to be sure...

All this to come (and more!) at your favorite website and most trusted news source...

...THE JOHNNY U NEWSREEL