The Johnny U Newsreel: HOLY FUCK, ANDY IS BACK

doo doot doot deet dot doo doo doot--
dee dee dot doot deet dah dee doot--

An Andrews W. Cope sighting?!

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Sexy beards in the world of high finance?!?!

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HOT MONKEY AUTOFELLATIO??!!??!!!!!

This just in--

[Will Andy ever post again, EVER?]

You heard it here first on the newsreel. It was only a matter of when, and when is now. Catch it all here.

[Is this the comeback story of the year?]

Of the century, quite possibly.

[Michael Thomas on IMDB? And gay?!]

Yes and Probably.

[Will Dancing with the Stars suck a huge dick?]

Our primate friend says it all.

[Is the JUBL really hosting a facebook tourney pool?]

Yeah, and if you haven't joined already, kill yourself. Do it.

Until next time, when there'll be more 1318% accurate headlines from your favorite website and most trusted news source...

...THE JOHNNY U NEWSREEL