JUhS All-Stars (A New JUhS Bit)
Layoffs. Firings. Retirements. They happen every day, however, never are they more publicized than in the arena of professional sports. For years now, Derek and myself have played a “game” in which all newly retired or cut (fired for the un-sportsy) sports personalities would find themselves up for a job at the McKinney YMCA (don’t ask). For example, about a year ago Jerome Bettis retired from the NFL. He was then up for consideration as the starting running back/athletic director for the YMCA. Many a player and many a coach from many a sport soon found themselves newly employed with the McKinney YMCA.
Well, Derek and I, now being fully employed by the JUhS (check out the Rovers and Maybachs), have left the McKinney YMCA. However, sports dudes continue to retire and get all fired every of these days (?). These dudes need new employment as I, being the economist I am, will not tolerate them being a strain on the economy with their unemployment and welfare sucking. So, HERE! TODAY! I would like to announce the establishingment of the JUhS All-Stars! Due to newly freed cap room and that room of cash we discovered the other day while wondering around the JUhS mansion, we can now afford to field our own teams of sports stars (across all sports in the sports galaxy) who will do battle against the best other planets can offer (as well as staple and colate important JUhS documents, plunge JUhS office and mansion toilets and groom the pets).
Now, where to begin. This is going to be tricky because we find ourselves in a very odd part of the sports calendar where we find only the Association of Basketball National in season. This means that many a day has passed since football and baseball seasons ended so that means we have missed quite a few firings and retirements. So, I’m going to gently ease us into the water here and throw a couple of nominees out there for your consideration. Remember, this is just to start, later we can go back and find some new candidates. This is how it will work: I’ll throw out the names, I’ll make a couple of pointers about said names, we will vote, I will keep track on my JUhS issued computing machine (given by the Heavens) and make updates as necessary! Let’s play ball…
1.) Bill Parcells - Head Football Coach
Real Name: Duane Charles “Bill” Parcells (How he got the name “Bill” and shed the often criminal elements and stigmas of the name Duane is a mystery and should be enough to hire him)- Nickname: The Big Tuna
- Accolades: 2 Super Bowl Titles; 183-138-1 Record; Asstons of Coaching Awards; Responsible for 7 Current Pro and College Head Coaches; Awesomely round belly
2.) Jake Plummer - NFL Quarterback, Avid Beard/Mustache Supporter
- Real Name: Jason “Jake” Stephen Plummer
- Nickname: The Snake
- Accolades: Nothing Much More Than Extremely Sweet/Psycho-Looking Facial Hair Patterns and Growing Abilities; Led Some Teams to the Playoffs; Gives Fans the Finger
