Coolin' (1 day)

The Existential Us is back from Paris, checking in on the Johnny once again. We/I/Us are/am/is busy getting situated for tomorrow's Takeover (note the handy countdown up above), so this will be brief.

Paris was everything we/us thought it would be. Pictures were snapped (Crazy Action Jumping and Faux Homelessness galore), museums were visited (except that pesky d'Orsay - closed on Monday), fake French accents were utilized, ridiculously hot French women were leered at, Quick Burgers were consumed, wine was smuggled, modern art videos were filmed, Le Catacomb was NOT visited, and French porn was NOT purchased (due mostly to lack of funds).

Rest assured that most of this wildly hilarious action will be hitting the JUhS screens in the not-too-distant future.

Until then, we leave you with this shot, which we/us feel sums up the trip quite nicely:


-Andrek Runvoni (JUhS)

Johnny U Preview: Paris (17 days)

Hello everyone. I'm gonna keep this quick-like in a preview version because 1) I'm paying tourist rates out the ass for this internet connection, 2) there's about 700 museums to visit today and, 3) (and most importantly) Derek and I will be here in a few weeks anyway, after which we can give a much more awesomer and in depth sort of analysis you've come to expect from the Johnny.

Suffice it to say, Paris is pretty sweet. A little dirty, kind of smelly, and the residents are sort of punks -- but still, it's pretty sweet.

I'm here with my parents, so I feel like I'm not getting the full experience, so to speak. And they're getting on in age, so the pace isn't exactly up where I'd like it to be. They also get drunk after about two glasses of wine, after which it's like trying to walk down a busy street with two stumbling toddlers to look after. Loud, obnoxious toddlers. Not cool.

Anyway, like I said, a much more detailed report is on its way. Derek and I will have astonishing tales to tell, mixed with a pinch of disdain for the Europeans and a dash of debauchery for good measure. I know you're wet with anticipation.

-Andrew (JUhS)

P.S. - We here at the Johnny owe an apology to Mr. Mitt Romney. We looked down upon him for doing his Mormon mission in France instead of the Congo (or wherever). In retrospect, we were flat wrong. It seems Mitt had the right idea, that sly bastard. Paris is full of some tasty, tasty ass. After being stuck in London for the past six months, it's a welcome new perspective. More on this in the next report, as well.