The Johnny U Newsreel: SHOCKING TWISTS & HAPPENINGS

doo doot doot deet dot doo doo doot--
dee dee dot doot deet dah dee doot--

JOHNNY U INFIGHTING?!!???!

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TURF WARS????!!!!

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CHEESEBALLZ???!!!!?!?!?!!

This just in--

[Did Andrew hijack newsman entity "Nels St. Claire" for his own demented purposes?]

Stay tuned for the latest...

[Will Derek call on the services of the Toledo Hitsquad Assassins, led by his older brother?]

Dunno, stay right here if you want to find out...

[Is Michael Thomas looking to steal Andrew's parking space and take a shit all over it?]

We don't really want to know, but maybe you do ... so, stick around...

[Will Andy ever post again, EVER?]

It's probably a matter of when, not if, but hey ... you gotta keep it tuned right here to be sure...

All this to come (and more!) at your favorite website and most trusted news source...

...THE JOHNNY U NEWSREEL