A Very Johnny Reunion

JUhSians,

Today marks a momentous occasion in the history of the Johnny Utah Symposium. For the first time in many months the moons & stars will align.

(aligned)

All four founding members of the Johnny U (McKinney chapter) will gather together in the same venue this very evening. We predict either the Earth's violent demise in a fiery explosion, or the immediate onset of world peace. One or the other.

While world peace is the more noble outcome, we, frankly, are indifferent. This is because the Johnny has been made the beneficiary of many small space traveling modules, commissioned by none other than Richard Branson himself.


Thanks dude.

The ships are specially designed to power off of Wilbur Burris' mind-rays. We'll feast in space on the dried meat of young Turkish boars. A 360 year supply. Water will be squeezed from the juice of passing comet tails caught in our net, a la the Little Prince.


We'll learn the secrets of space, traveling through suns with our ultra heat absorbent fuselage and navigating black holes with the help of Stephen Hawking's Voice Box (JUhS). He won't be needing it anymore. And if you've by some miracle managed to survive the explosions, the Johnny will return to Earth to rule you with a brass-knuckled (but fair) fist. And, if you're nice we'll share our several secrets of the universe. (Note: stockpiling virgin maidens will speed up the process)

So, in conclusion, be careful on the roads tonight. If you have the unlikely opportunity to acquire some sort of space travel device, do so by all means. Because honestly, which do you think is the more likely outcome? But you'll have a tough time making it past our laser cannons. Fair warning.

Best Wishes,
The Johnny U

-UPDATE-

Alright, well ... the Earth narrowly averted fiery disaster, and that bagadouche Branson never actually delivered the spaceships. But they're supposedly arriving next week. Honestly people, this whole explosion thing could happen at any moment, so be careful.