Happy FYA Day

Today is May 1st. May Day to some. Labo(u)r Day to others. "Fuck You America" Day to all. As if this differs from any other day on the calendar.

What once was a festival for pagans to prance around phallic totem poles has eventually devolved into a celebration of the working man, socialists, and anarchists. How something can sink below jumping around a giant, leafy wooden dick is beyond me, but there you have it.

I don't know what it's gonna take, but sooner or later the socialists need to realize it isn't fucking working out. You can whine and moan all you want about how America is the reason for all your problems. Or, you can take it a step further like Hugo Chavez and nationalize what little remains of your country's privately run oil companies. It's May! Fuck You America! How symbolic.

Not that I'm waxing apologetic for Big Oil (the fuckers). It's a topic that has been covered in this space before. However, I prefer my evil, faceless, autonomous corporations to fuck me via the free market system. ExxonMobil is like having the discomfort of an extra large dildo in your ass. But at least they have the courtesy to lube up first. Hugo is dry-fucking his country. And the dildo's red. With Che's famous logo emblazoned across the base.


You know what? Fuck all those know-nothing Che idolizers too. Dude's been dead for 40 years. You think all the fourteen year olds wearing his merch have any idea who he is? And I still have to see his righteous, revolutionary mug all over t-shirts, messenger bags, belt buckles, wallets. Wallets?! If that isn't irony at its base level, I don't know what is.

Here. Put this on a fucking t-shirt.


He's dead. Move on. I know he was a hero in Latin America. I'm all for rising up against oppressors when all other options fail. Our constitution was drafted to protect that very freedom (a freedom of which the NRA very frequently reminds us). But honestly, if you think dudes like Chavez and Castro aren't fucking you just as badly, then I don't know what to tell you.

Most of all - more than all this political bullshit - I hate May Day because everyone else in Europe gets the day off while I have to sit here at work. Fine. The pinkos win. For once, I'm jealous.