Vincent Gallo Presents: Movies

EDITORS NOTE: Fuck the editors. I circumvented those mother-fuckers.


Enough is enough.

The four no-dick, sacks of shit that supposedly run this blog have done enough fucking around. I've been submitting articles to this e-rag for months now and none of them have been getting published. And when something does get published it's some trite chronicle of how "bad ass" and "awesome" these fuckin' guys are. I'm tired of the fiction. This blog needs to get fucked again and the cock that's gonna do it belongs to me.

With that said. Let's talk about some upcoming movies.

Witless Protection
I'm not even going to watch the TRAILER for this pile of burning human carcasses. I don't need to. Let me give some credit to Larry the shit-eater though. This guy really knows how to sell the same fuckin' joke over and over for years at a time. Sitting through this would be an exercise in recycling food. I'd fuckin' puke, eat the puke (cause that'd be more fun and interesting than watching this sandpaper gloved handjob of a movie) and puke again. I'm gonna be fuckin' sick. I wouldn't mind fucking the chick on the poster though but that's not the issue here.

Thumbs Down.
None Stars.

Leatherheads
George Clooney. George fuckin' Clooney. Let me just explain my disgust for this guy real fast. I'm sure you've all heard of a movie called Ocean's 11. Not the original with Frankie S. but the update with George Clooney and Casey Affleck. I was in negotiations for the lead in that movie when fucking George Clooney comes in the room, takes out his dick and says, "cast this dick". Of course that cunning sack of shit got the part. The TRAILER for this Leatherheads thing looks like garbage though. Who fucking cares about sports. Or history. It's all about trusting the present and fucking embracing art. Now my blood is up.

Thumbs Down.
None Stars.

In the Name of The King
Uwe Boll is a fucking genius. Ghandi is bullshit. Sexy Beast is bullshit. The House of Sand and Fog is TOTAL bullshit (and Ron Eldard can suck my fuckin' dick). The best Ben Kingsley performance of all time was in Boll's under-appreciated masterwork, Bloodrayne. He was just so raw. The TRAILER makes it look like we can expect a similarly stunning turn out of Ray "I peaked with Unlawful Entry" Liotta. We'll see though.

Thumbs Up Really High.
A lot of Stars.

The Johnny Utah editors can't fuckin' stop me anymore so you can expect to hear from me. Lots. Hugs and kisses. Go fuck yourselves.

-Vincent Gallo