DEREK 360: Reality Television

Hello world,

This is an editorial that has been written before. It has been written dozens of times by dozens of different people. It has, I dare say, been written in dozens of languages. It may have even been written in braille. Point is, it's a tired subject.

I, however, do not care.

I was minding my own business sitting on the reality television fence when a TV program came out that pushed me firmly into the "reality TV is fucking terrible" side. Rockstar: Supernova is a new reality show where a handful of "rocker" hopefuls gather and sing excerpts from awesome Top 40 rocks songs of the past 25 years. These sad sack loser contestant people typically compensate for a lack of talent or presentation by caking on eyeliner (in the case of the dudes) or having their massive jugs (in the case of the chicks) on display at all times. All the while Tommy Lee, Jason Newsted, and some dude from Guns 'N Roses sit back scratching their chins wondering if the person before them is the right fit to round out their newly formed "supergroup", SUPERNOVA.

I caught a solid 4 minutes of this show and became so unbelievably irritated that I marched over to my computer and began to type feverishly. I saw the tail end of a dude singing something (not sure what). The dude was obviously a "rocker" because his eyes were heavily lined and his hair was spikey. He also had the whole "rocker" fashion thing down. I began to pay attention when former Janes Addicition/Red Hot Chili Peppers guitar virtuoso and current husband to Carmen Electra, Dave Navarro (who is like a host or something) began to gush about how "totally awesome" the dude was. "The fact that I never knew you existed is why this show is so special," was the exact phrase that trickled out of Mr. Navarro's mouth hole.

From there they showed a quick run down of all gazillion (I think there were like 20) contestants and the song they chose to sing. I heard snippets of songs I recognized from such bands as The Police, Coldplay, Train, and Melissa Etheridge. Rock 'N Roll!!! The dude who was singing Roxanne was so far off (even in the four second snippet) that he immediately became my favorite. It was as though he had never heard the original. My dad, who had seen the performance in its entirety, told me that one of the dudes from SUPERNOVA (who are also judges or something) told him to his face that "he sucked".

If a dude can't fuck up The Police and be praised as a brash and brazen rocker then I don't know what you have to do. I guess the dude song-styling the shit out of Coldplay's Yellow is more what Tommy Lee is looking for.

I am not a person who goes crazy for American Idol but I do appreciate it for what it is. It's a massive talent competition where people bring in their different influences and try to pass those off as "idol worthy" or whatever. My problem with this Rock Star show is that it's all these contestants coming together to fit themselves into this gross little CBS regulated Rock 'N Roll stereotype.

I don't know everything about everything but I do know that not all "rock stars" are like Tommy Lee. I also know that this is a good thing.

Reality TV can be completely awesome (Cheaters, Man Vs. Beast, True Life) or it can be pure shit (Lots of shows). There is absolutely nothing I can do about any of this.

So I complain. Right here.

-Derek