DEREK 360: NICKELBACK EXPOSED! (16 days)

Hello friends,

I'm not going to waste any time on this one. Let's get to the point.


Let me present you all with an excerpt from the lyrical excellence that is Nickelback's new single, "If Everyone Cared":

If everyone cared and nobody cried
If everyone loved and nobody lied
If everyone shared and swallowed their pride
We'd see the day when nobody died

Seems harmless right? Yeah I thought so too. Then, as it repeated for the 57th time inside the song's overlong three minute run time I realized that it is not harmless. It's a message. A statement on the way of life these Canadian imports are trying to impose on their pork rind loving fan base.

The first two lines are completely innocuous. They are solidly written on a 2nd grade reading level and are dominated by a stout rhyme scheme in the same style as a classic "star-car" or "bean-mean" rhyme. They represent Nickelback opening the doors to their awesome Maple Leaf mansion and saying "C'mon in! We've got all these pork rinds! Who will eat them?". You're drawn in by those lines (and rinds), and if you're not careful the next two lines will just slide on by your common sense filters and make a nest in your subconscious.

Stay sharp, because here comes the third line, "If everyone shared and swallowed their pride". Once again, seems harmless. However, it is obviously a statement dripping with a communist agenda. "Share everything you have and everything will be rad". In theory communism is a great idea...in theory.

So Nickelback are a bunch of beer drinking communists. We can get over that right? For these rockers? YEAH! Pass the pork rinds! Oh wait, there's one more line.

"We'd see the day when nobody died"

Huh?

So what they're saying is that if we adopt communism as our way of doing things no one will die? Like ever? What? I can only assume that not only is their some seriously RED blood flowing through their veins but that it also has traces of Satan. "Share your moneys and no one will die because we, Nickelback, have got a pact with the big guy downstairs and he'll just reach into the dirt and bring back your dead uncle". Millions of people are probably already trying to share everything they have in an attempt to make themselves undeadable. This is bad. Beware Nickelback.

Nickelback = Communist Satanists.