DEREK 360: Things you need to know

Hello peoples,

Today I am going to to drop some knowledge for you kids. Some things you guys should know. Pay close attention and tell your friends and neighbors.

KNOWLEDGE #1
Patrick Swayze is inside of every white limousine you see on the street.

Anytime you see a white limo, inside of it, is Patrick "She's like the wind" Swayze. If you see 2 white limos at one time he is in both. I know it's weird, but it's true.


KNOWLEDGE #2
Wesley Snipes is inside of every black limousine you see on the street.

This is the same general principle as the Swayze/white limo continuum thing. Any black limo contains Wesley "Always betting on black (limos)" Snipes. For many years it was believed that the black limos were uninhabited but fellow-Johnny-U-Founding-Dad-Dude Andy recently informed me that Wesley Snipes did in fact reside in pretty much all of them. Andy, like me, is wise and reads countless periodicals of note so his knowledge on this matter is concrete fact.


KNOWLEDGE #3
Krull is the 14th greatest movie ever made.


If you line up all the movies ever made and then rank them using an intricate scale of factors that is too complicated for me to fully discuss you will realize that the 1983 film Krull is the 14th best. It's got Liam Neeson, a dude that looks like Swayze in the lead, a cyclops, special effects that the Pope once said were "more awesome than this whole religion thing I'm into", a goofy magician, and a kick ass chinese star looking thing. Oh, there is also the plot, which will fucking drown you in awesome juices. A bad ass alienish thing falls to the planet and these evil alien things start taking over. Swayze look alike dude and his special lady are set to wed but the alienish things mess those nuptials up. They kidnap the special lady and then Swayze, with the help of kick ass Chinese Star looking thing, Liam Neeson, a cyclops, a creepy old blind dude, a goofy magician (I guess he's really a wizard...but who cares), and some sweet special effects have to go to something called "The Black Fortress" to rescue her. That synopsis alone has got me sweaty. Krull is tits.

Trust these things for they are fact.

-Derek