Through the Aperture of Andy: Spitting Fire (Did I s-s-s-tutter?)

**This is a special, spur of the moment Aperture. Warning - contains unusually offensive language from Andy. Just a warning as Andy turned red in the face and just began typing. Thank you.**




You know what I can't stand? Fucking liars.

About a month or two ago Sportscenter put the spotlight on one Jason McElwain, an "autistic", high school basketball team manager. In the closing minutes of a game, in which his team was losing and ultimately lost, Jason was given some pity playing time by his coach. He played four minutes and, like a pimp, sank six 3-pointers. Pimp status quickly faded after this kid got his own stupid Sportscenter segment/report and was shown being carried off the court on the shoulders of his classmates with his deformed, pubescent face all big and stupid. Now, I know I would probably look just as stupid were I to be carried off a court all excited like. But...I'm not a fucking liar.

The report was filled with interviews of Jason's parents and coach crying. It showed his classmates talking some stupid shit and our dear, "autistic" Jason spitting out stupid shit. Stupid shit like "I was on fire." and then smirking and sitting there filled with a vomit-inducing, smug ass look on his face and this attitude that he was "the shit". Just to recap: Jason claims he has autism. Having autism does NOT yield you "the shit" status.

Definition of autism (as defined by Houghton Mifflin): A psychiatric disorder of childhood characterized by marked deficits in communication and social interaction, preoccupation with fantasy, language impairment, and abnormal behavior, such as repetitive acts and excessive attachment to certain objects. It is usually associated with intellectual impairment.

Ok, so let me get this straight. The kid is maybe dyslexic. He stutters and mumbles. Maybe he likes shiny things and is shy a few IQ points. I don't think these are things that keep him from being an average basketball player. Shit, most athletes are practically borderline retarded...intelligence wise. Let's face it: Jason sucks at basketball. Just like most of us. So, the kid was rightfully the team manager. The coach felt sorry for him and put him in and the kid gets a lucky streak going. He's not the poor soul with down syndrome who is the awesome team manager that everyone loves. THAT would be an incredible story! No. This kid, in all his camera time and interviews exhibits NO noticeable symptoms. He goes unguarded in the last minutes of a game. Where his team is getting destroyed. Where the other team, as Derek JUS points out, has put in their equivalent...the 3rd string bench warmers who have as much playing time as "J-Mac". They're stuck guarding the "retard". Shit. The kid wishes he was a retard. But yeah. Who wants to guard the special ed kid? So the kid has wide open looks and gets lucky. Then, the kid thinks he's the fucking man??? WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

I've never been more pissed off at the tv in my life. And now, today I open up my Yahoo! Homepage and what do I see? The headline: "Autistic hoops star scores movie deal". Oh my sweet crap! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!

Here's the link. Check it out.

That's going to be the most awful movie since Corky Romano. The movie's going to end with this want to be "disordered person" making some 3-pointers and his team still losing the game! WHAT?! ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! No check that. Hollywood will saw off one of his legs, give him an eye-patch, AIDS, say his father abandoned him at birth when he learned the kid would never speak, and for some reason give him the speaking skills of an ape with mush in his mouth. And then his ugly ass parents will make fat bank off of him. Just look at his parents. The dad is gangly as hell. The mom is just plain ugly and passed on her burn victim good looks to her annoying ass son. This kid better enjoy what he's getting now because in time he'll be revealed as a fraud. He's as "retarded" as some high frat asshole.

I'm telling you. The kid's not even disordered. We've all seen Rain Man. Maybe Jason's "savant talent" is tickling the twine. Which would be awesome. But this kid isn't awesome and he's not that lucky. I'm dead serious. The kid's a fucking liar. Fine...maybe he is autistic. I think this kid is barely autistic. If this is true I'm proposing that we get rid of autism as a disorder. Now, I know there are people with serious disorders. They will be reclassified with a new disorder. However, Jason and people like Jason will no longer receive special treatment.

He'll no longer be Jason: "the basketball team manager because he has autism". He'll be Jason: "the team manager because he can't hack it day in and day out". He'll be like the rest of us. Admit it. Would YOU want someone to make a movie of you? How fucking boring would that be?

So to sum up. Fuck this kid. He's an asshole and a liar.

And that's the world through the aper-aper-aper-ture of Adyn. Definitely. Defintely Andy.