DEREK 360: The Odysseust

DISCLAIMER: This post is worthless AND pointless.

Last night I was flipping through the channels when I caught a few minutes of the total shitfest that is Troy. I happened upon a scene between Brad Pitt (in total phoning-it-in mode) and Seen Been. Seen Been was playing the always awesome role of Odysseus and it got me thinking.

Of the few men who have portrayed Odysseus in films throughout film history, who was the Odysseust?

1. Armand Assante - The Odyssey
(1997 TV mini-series)
Armand Assante is well regarded as a total bad ass. I mean, just look at the body of work here. He was in three of the best films of the past dozen years with his star turns in Judge Dredd, Two for the Money, and Striptease. He also played John Gotti in the appropriately titled TV movie Gotti. Oh, and he was also in one of those Christopher Columbus biopic's that came out in the early 90's. All of these totally awesome roles were just mere stepping stones to the role that Armand made his own. That would, of course, be the role of Odysseus.


But, was he the Odysseust?

He did get to do the whole Odyssey thing, which is awesome. He, however, did not have the same awesome psuedo-mullet-from-another-time hair that Seen Been had in Troy. He was good. He may have even been great.

2. Sean Bean - Troy
(2004 shitty movie)
Seen Been is an uber-pimp and everyone knows it. He's gotten his paws on a few of the great franchises of the past few years. He was one of the fellowship dudes in that whole Lord of the Rings thing. He did die in the first movie like a little bitch though. He was also Han Solo in the Star Wars movies. He wasn't the star of Troy but his presence (and the presence of his awesome hair) stole many a scene.


But, was he the Odysseust?

The fact that he was in Troy is definitely working against him. His credentials are strong though, and he played a more level-headed, less crazy Odysseus. He got to play the Illiad era Odysseus, who was a cyclopsless dude just coolin' in the ancient world. He's definitely in contention.

3. George Clooney - Oh Brother, Where Art Thou
(2000 movie)
George Clooney is a big star. He's got an Oscar on his mantle next to a certificate from People Magazine lauding him as the sexiest man alive back in like '98 or something. He also played Batman at some point back in the dark (yet light...and gay) days of the Batman franchise. He played Everett in Oh Brother, Where Art Thou, which is an adaptation of The Odyssey. He had a lot of room to change up the role and experiment with the character.


But, was he the Odysseust?

He, technically, didn't even play the role of Odysseus. However, because there haven't been that many Odysseus' in semi-recent film history he's gonna get tossed in there. He's not a throw-away candidate though. He kicked cyclops ass. He made his way home. He did the whole thang and he did it well.

So who is the Odysseust?
The obvious answer here is Armand Assante. I, however, have got to deviate from the obvious and go with Seen Been. His confident, "I know I'm a bad ass" turn as a pre-Odyssey Odysseus helped bring the total crap fest that is Troy out of the shitty movie cellar (though it's still awful...don't get me wrong). He's also got some wicked-awesome (and historically accurate...I assume) hair. There may also be some influence from the fact that I haven't seen Armand Assante's The Odyssey since it first aired back in '97. Seen Been is fresh in my mind and sometimes freshness = Odysseust.

CONGRATULATIONS SEEN BEEN, YOU ARE THE ODYSSEUST!

Yikes,
Derek