The Return of Whipmaster Charlie

Hey bitches!

Whipmaster Charlie here ... same ole Chuck, brand new venue, got me? Still lovin' thems Goober Peas (peas!) and still whippin' those bitches into shape! I'm so honored to be a Johnny Utah member, that I made a New Year Resolution for y'alls asses. You see, in my old age, I been gettin' a little soft in the whippin' department. You might say I ain't been livin' up to the title of Whipmaster. But that's all abouts to change in the next few weeks. And it's all startin' here at the Johnny U. Y'all be wantin' to count yourselves a might bit lucky that you a member or devoted reader, and not on the outside lookin' in. Cause we about to see a whole other era in doling out a fuckin' hard-ass whippin'.

The thing is, Whipmaster Charlie don't too much like what's been goin' on in the world lately. You see, I been too busy gettin' fat on dem salty goobers and makin' it real good with some hot mamas. So that's where this new resolution come in. We got some bitches out there that's really makin' my ass pucker. So my promise to all yous JUhS readers out there is to whip some sense into their dumbass noggins. While I been gone, the President o' the USA been bombin' him some I-rackees. His little right-hand bitch been shootin' off old man faces. President Ahmadin-his-face of Iran been makin' all sorts a trouble. Al Zarqwai Mahoomed been bombin' some more I-rackees. My man Dave Chapelle been goin' to South Africa for some soul-searchin' an' leavin' us with subpar television. Them hard rock music bands all been shot to hell. Scott Stapp done lost his god damn mind. We got us an angry-as-shit Sun God called Yousef. Lord, I could go on all day. But y'all mothafuckers aready know all about that shit.

And I knows you be wantin' ole Charlie here to do somethin' about it. So I'm just gonna climb off the Whipmistress, grab me my trusty whip, and get to work. I ain't no lazy bastard no more, and people of the Johnny U, frankly ... you deserve better. We got some fine ass pieces of work at JUhS. Mean ass bitches like The Radical Tad, Bad Poetry Guy, Nels St. Claire, Sweaty Frank Viola, The Ghost of Chris Penn, Crotchless, Demented Ryan Seacrest, Tits Drexler, Salazar Scuttle, Flaunt-It Flaunt-It Gary, Mike, Derek, Andy, Andrew, my favorite badass of them all, Vincent Gallo, and let's not forget Wilbur FUCKIN' Burris. That is a veritable shitload of talent right there. And with a slight bit of help from the Whipmaster, we'll be takin' care of some shit in no time. So don't you folks worry. If you hear some news on CNN or Google or Drudge, and some ass-kickin' is goin' on, you best be knowin' it's the JUhS whippin' into action. YIEEEEE!

Whip it,
Whipmaster Charlie