Let's watch movies: Alien Hunter

Hey everyone!

Let's watch some movies.

Today we are going to watch Alien Hunter. Alien Hunter stars the incomparable James Spader as the title role and one-time-fastest-man-on-Earth, Carl Lewis (I shit you not).

Let's clear something up first here. Alien Hunter is not The Thing. Yes, they both take place at a remote research facility in Antartica. Yes, they both center around the existence of extra-terrestrial life forms on said research facility. Yes, they are both taut thrillers made with a keen eye for detail and scene construction. Ok, I lied about that last one. Alien Hunter does not have Kurt Russell with a beard but it does has James Spader. In this movie he aimlessly spouts off lame strings of dialogue about how "math is the universal language" and "Aliens are real". He hijacks elements of Jeff Goldblum's characters in both Jurassic Park and ID4 and makes you believe every poorly orchestrated scene.

The story of Alien Hunter is pretty straight forward. An alien disturbance is believed to be discovered at a remote Antarctic-an research facility that is dedicated to growing corn (for some reason...I wasn't listening). The scientists call on James Spader (because he is a FUCKING ALIEN HUNTER...YEAHHHHHH!!) to consult on the alien that they have in their midst. The alien spends most of the movie in a cocoon thing "thawing" out so there really isn't any "hunting" involved. The title of the movie is hugely misleading. Eventually the alien cocoon thing hatches and the alien escapes and people start dying. People's faces melt off in an unimpressive "we stole this effect from Raiders of the Lost Ark and somehow fucked it up" way. Eventually things escalate to a point where some politician dudes (who are sweating a lot because of the gravity of the decisions they are being forced to make) have to send a submarine to blow up the research facility. Spader, some chick scientist and the Wilford Brimley equivalent wind up walking into some alien light and get sucked up into their space ship. The ending is wide the fuck open. Sequel anyone?

This movie was pure turd. Spader tried to carry it on his back and make it awesome but not even Spader is capable of such a feet. Perhaps if he would have played the same part he played in Pretty in Pink. Who knows.

+PROS+
+Carl Lewis is in this movie.
+Spader.
+Carl Lewis.

-CONS-
-Carl Lewis dies in this movie.
-Carl Lewis doesn't do any running in this movie.
-There are no shots of Carl Lewis outrunning alien energy waves or fire.
-When the research facility that was used to grow corn is blown up by the dudes on the submarine not one of them makes a popcorn joke. Hardcore missed opportunity.
-The fact that the alien "costume" was obviously an old (and used) prop from ID4.

I give this film a 3.15564 out of 10
-Derek