The JUhS Takeover Is Now (None days)

And so it begins.

The Takeover.

Let the goodness wash over you for just a few moments. We have a shiny new masthead now. All professional-like. Please continue to bask in it's orangey-red, mildly carcinogenic glow.

And there will be more. Oh balls yes. There will be more to come.

Don't think we've been building this shit up all month just to slap on a new header and call it a Takeover. More is, most assuredly, on its way.

There will be proclamations.

Proclamation One: The Johnny is metamorphosing before your very eyes. JUhS has always been the fucking awesome. You already knew that. But it's about to get the awesome in so many more ways. Which brings us to ...

Proclamation Two: The Johnny is now a multimedia empire. There will be videos. There will be musics. There will be arts. There will be reviews. There will be lore and myths. There will be poorly pieced-together jpegs. The written word is no longer enough to adequately deliver all we seek to convey. But we will not eschew it completely. For it is what brought us to this point, it is goodness, and will therefore continue.

Proclamation Three: We are the symposium. A collection of minds wielding powers previously unknown to the human species, given to us by an anonymous space-faring benefactor in the form of four objects. What began on an undersized basketball court in McKinney, Texas has spread across the globe. But the original binding purpose, the electrons weaving between neurons in our brains, transporting the thoughts which you see here now on this blog - this original electromagnetic spectrum/matrix (spectrix) of awesome - is no longer of merely physical proportions. Those thoughts now reside on the internets, an unfettered microcosm unhindered by time or distance, culminating in a crux that is the Johnny Utah Symposium.

If that didn't blow you the fuck away then just leave immediately.

Proclamation Four: There will be introductions. The Symposium consists of Four. The Founding Dad Dudes. One is for lonelies and crazies. Two is for pussies. Three is the magic number, but lacks philosophical magnitude. Four is for those who enjoy creating gifts of wonder and amazement, then coolin' out really, really hard afterwards. There are four Founding Dad Dudes. There are four Proclamations. Four is the new three. Four is the tits. These are the Four FDDs:

Andrew (JUhS)
Currently resides in London. Banker. Penned some sick pieces on Dannielllyyynnnnnn, among others. Runs the presidential election previews. Would never, ever think of posting on the Johnny from work. Once woke up next to a feather duster. Despises the French.

Andy (JUhS)
Currently resides in Dallas. Actor. Frequently compared to Russell Crowe. Our comparison: Gary Oldman with an axe to grind. Penned a classic on Fidel Castro. Up keeps the JUhS All-Stars. Once teabagged Andrew (JUhS) for falling asleep during Lebowski. FDD most likely to pose nude for cash.

Derek (JUhS)
Currently resides in Dallas. Ad Exec/Rock Drummer. Author of the seminal Derek 360 publication. Specializes in leaping in fronts internationally significant monuments. Dig Day founder. Member of hard rock super group Hardin Sweaty and the Ready To Go. Capable of growing the most balls hard beard you've ever seen.

Michael Thomas (JUhS)
Currently resides in L.A. Post-Prod/Writer/Miscellaneous Badass Hollywood Shit. Once morphed into a slimy three-foot pig. Will literally do anything, including taking a dump on stage in full audience view. After party blow job recipient. Rates movies with his boners. Pipe shimmier.

All of the Dad Dudes have swum in creamed corn. All of them have worn orange jumpsuits. All of them appreciate the musical stylings of Boston. All of them have fled coyotes in certain parts of the McKinney wilderness. All of them are master freestyle walkers. All of them have participated in the distinguished Movies of the Week. All of them post here, on the Johnny.

And please, let us not forget Wilbur Burris, from whence all of this came, and who, in his benevolence, guides us.

You have now been Tookover. Enjoy the ride. Hhhhot yyyyeah.

-The Johnny Utah Symposium

Weird.

As some of you may or may not know, I live relatively close to (two blocks from) Abbey Road Studios in Northwest London. You know the place.

It's commonly known as a pilgrimmage site for Beatles fanatics throughout the world. Countless fans write endearing graffiti on the white wall directly in front of the studio (seen in the above picture on the left, behind the VW). Imagine my surprise when, walking to work one morning this week, I glanced upon the following inscription:

Amazing. Nevermind the fact that it's actually true (how did he/she know?!). There are two possible explanations.

1) Our organization has grown at an alarming pace, unforseen even by us. We can also surmise that this includes an astonishing international contingent. Wilbur Burris, it seems, was adept at spreading his seed.

2) This is all an elaborate hoax, masterminded by none other than Big Pooga himself. I will leave it to Derek (JUhS), fish killer and self-proclaimed Big Pooga nemesis, to confirm or disconfirm this suspicion. We do know he's recently been operating in the London area...

A startling discovery indeed. Further exploration will be needed to more fully flesh out this story. I'll keep my eyes and ears open.

Take care,
Andrew (JUhS)

Welcome to the information station.

Welcome to The Johnny Utah Symposium (JUS). The JUS is a collection of professionals from across the northern hemisphere who have the unified goal of providing the public (that's you guys) with information about literally everything.

Now a brief history of the JUS.

The JUS was founded in 1932 by a man named Wilbur Burris. He was a steel worker by day and a loving family man by night. He was living the normal life that anyone in the 1930's could hope for when one day he vomited up a gold locket. Inside the locket was a picture of the great Johnny Utah. The locket was filled with hella-loads of magic and it immediately began transforming the world around Wilbur Burris. For the next few months Mr. Burris was up late into the nights conducting experiments and solving problems under the careful supervision of Johnny Utah (via the locket). Not long after this Mr. Burris was fired from his steel mill job and was deserted by his once loving family. Mr. Burris had completely changed from a man with an ideal life to a man who was hanging on by a thin thread. It was when Mr. Burris was at his very worst that he got word that there were others like him who had regurgiated other Johnny Utah relics. Mr. Burris changed his name to Magnus (for no real reason) and started the Johnny Utah Symposium (JUS) as a sanctuary for these brilliant, yet socially awkward, men. Now, dozens of years later there is no longer any vomiting involved in becoming a member of the JUS. Instead you just have to be a great thinker who likes thinking about thinking and thinks about things to think about. Yeah, the JUS is fucking rad.

Check back often, because you never know what will be going on here at the Johnny Utah Symposium (JUS).

-The Radical Tad