Brain or No Brain?

Has anyone seen this new show? I'd feel better if you hadn't, but apparently it's a craze that's sweeping the nation. The new hit NBC show is titled "Deal or No Deal" and it's hosted by none other than the incomparable Howie Mandel. What?! You thought his career was over? You thought nothing could top the pointlessness of "Bobby's World"? You thought America was through with the man known solely for blowing up, through his nose, a latex glove outstretched over his head?

You were completely fucking wrong. Because even the D-minus celebrities have nine lives. Why is everyone so god damn worried about global warming? Don't you realize we're recycling celebrities at an alarming rate? At this point, we won't have anyone left to entertain us by 2060, much less polar ice caps. And if I can't get my latest celebrity-reality show on VH1 when I'm 80 years old, dribbling on my sweater and urinating myself, then I don't fucking care if the entire coast line is submerged. Or if hurricanes pummel Illinois in February. Or if China replaces the United States as the dominant world power.

Do we even deserve to be the world power? Look at what entertains our collective nation. We'd rather watch a complete slut imbecile fuck 20 guys on the Real World: Key West, or Flava Flav spout catch phrases that went out in the 90's, or obsess over a group of coddled, useless youths who haven't served a legitimate purpose their entire lives as they prance around Laguna Beach. We'd rather watch a bald, washed-up comedian discuss for an entire hour, with honest, normal Americans, whether or not they should open cases handled by completely artificial, obviously fake-breasted models. THERE IS A SHOW ON PRIME-TIME TELEVISION WHERE THE ENTIRE PREMISE IS BASED ON WHETHER OR NOT YOU SHOULD OPEN A CASE. Just ... let that sink in for a second. Has anyone else thought about this?

Who am I to tell people what to do with their lives? I am no different than all of you. I merely suggest: can't we do better? Is this how we want to spend our Monday evenings? We have nothing better to do? I have a timely and, I believe, apt analogy. We are UConn (or in a slightly more disgusting comparison, Duke); the rest of the world is George Mason. We are a perennial power, drunk on our own history and bred to believe the hype set before us. But there are others out there without the history and without the pedigree, working harder than we are to get ahead. And eventually, like in the tournament this year, it's going to catch up with us. Maybe not now, maybe not in 10 years, but sometime. Obviously, I didn't just make up this idea myself, but it's worth reiterating. Years before we were born, the international situation has been, more or less, as it is now. So we just assume that the world is "naturally" this way. I know I used to.

OK, I'm officially off my high horse. But that show really fucking pisses me off. It's a show about opening cases with numbers in them. And most of the time, since no one seems to understand basic statistics, they don't even make the correct decisions. Fuck. Don't watch this show. Besides, it's on at the same time as "How I Met Your Mother". You remember Doogie Howser, right?

-Andrew
"Proud JUhS Member Since 2006"