DEREK 360: Nuts Busted

Hello everyone.

This one should probably be another installment in my stupid person time feature but I couldn't resist putting the words "bust" and "nut" in the title. I am a child.

In Gainesville, Florida a glitch at the University of Florida Women's Health Center killed thousands of sperm samples. Some of the samples belonged to men who had stored the sperm because of impotency fears. That is a major bummer right there. The glitch caused the temperature in the sperm cooler tank things to rise without warning. The sperm scientists (or spermitists) thought they had detected the problem and saved the sperm in time, but they were wrong. All of the sperm were killed.


The Spermitists at The University of Florida Women's Health Center are a bunch of fucking murderers.

To ensure this doesn't happen again I want to urge all of the dudes out there to always keep a few sperm samples on hand in your fridge at home. Just remember to ALWAYS label these samples clearly. Also, I'm sure those sperm killing murderers down in Florida could use some new sperm samples to replenish their sperm coffers so feel free to "bust a nut" into a baby food jar, write "Florida" on said jar and hand it to your local mail person. They will know what to do. Remember tomorrow is Labor Day so all sperm deliveries will have to wait until Tuesday.

Together we can all make a difference. For sperm. For man. For all.
-Derek