DEREK 360: MUSIC NOOSE!

HEY!

The Johnny is one year old. We still don't have any teeth but we're starting to put sounds together. We can lift ourselves up and stand next to furniture but we still can't walk on our own without completely biting it. We shit ourselves. A lot. We are babies. Babies who can type 48 WPM.

I want to take this time to thank Andrew for turning the pressure on for the coming terrible two's of Johnny-dom. His statements about how year two will be bigger and better than year one have both frightened and inspired the writers here at the Johnny. But, fear not. We will increase productivity by further slacking on the few minor quality control measures that were already in place. With that said...

MUSIC NOOSE!

Today is Monday January 22 (for like another 45 minutes or so). Tomorrow is Tuesday. Hott new musics come out on Tuesdays. What do we have to look forward to this week???

****Well there is this band called The Shins. They've got a new record coming out. It's called Wincing the Night Away. I don't know about all of you, but when I think about the word wincing I picture Jesse Ventura in Predator. He ain't got time to bleed but he does have time to wince. Wait. What? I told you guys, quality control is flushed.

The new Shins record is a hotly anticipated release in the "indie" rock realm. I listened to it back in October, when it was delivered by mail to everyone in the country for free (at least that's how it seemed...it was everywhere...they were airdropping it over Africa instead of food at some points). It's solid. If you're a Shins fan you'll like it. Zach Braff will probably write about it in his blog and then buy the rights to it in a Michael Jackson buys all the rights to Beatles songs manner and use the songs to soundtrack every one of his scenes on Scrubs. No QC.

****Some dude named Pretty Ricky has a new album coming out. I listened to some of it on AOL. It sounds sexy as hell. The first line of the first song has Mr. Ricky proclaiming "DOES ANYBODY WANNA COME HOME WITH PRETTY RICKY TONIGHT???" Just crooning the shit out of it. Unfortunately for Rick, no one wants to come home with him. Why? Oh because we're all still hanging out with Sisqo back in the year 2000 when he did the exact same fucking thing.

****Of Montreal have a new record coming out. I haven't heard any of this record. I really don't know anything on this one. Starting your band's name with "of" is a bold move. Bold.

Speaking of bold.

****The top music release of the last half decade is coming out tomorrow. It's coming straight from a man who is as bold as the trucks in Texas and as rich as the soil at the bottom of the Mississippi. From the East coast to the West coast. From the Dixie highway back home (I think those are the words). That's right folks. Finally, after months and months of hype...

...the Cougar returneth.

John Mellencamp, Mr. "Our Country" himself, releases his new one tomorrow and on it (track seven) is the epic anthem of patriotism and awesomeness, "Our Country". Some of you may have heard "Our Country" when it was played during every commercial break of every show during every hour of tv on every network (with double playings during every sporting event). A lot of Chevy trucks have been hocked using the always reliable power of patriotism to help sweeten the deal for the buyer. This album also has a song called "Ghost Towns Along the Highway" which had better be 100% literal. There's no point in discussing this any further. "Our Country" is the new "Star Spangled Banner" and that's that. What the fuck is a spangle anyway.

"Oh say can you seeeeeeeeeeeee,
That this is Our Country!!"

I hate this shit. Fuck you John Mellencamp.

That's the QC free music noose. I'll do better next time.
-Derek