Excuse Me While I Eat This Guy...

It is with a humble heart that I say “hello”. It has been a very long while since I have contributed anything to the great and honorable JUhS (and even longer since I contributed anything worth anything more than 8 seconds of your time). Many a day has passed since an Aperture hatched itself on the Johnny and many a person may have said “it’s for the best”. However, my personal human mind awareness being has encountered a few things since my last visit. I have had to battle many a personal demon and done quite a bit of soul searching. Some things took hold of me and I needed to pry myself free. It took time. It took energy. It took time and energy. It took me returning to the Truth, my faith and my family. Finally, with hope, prayer, persistence and tears, I changed.

At last, I had fled the darkness. I am here, back again. I have shed the evil skin of laziness. I have overcome the leprosy of being tired. I have broken the fever of mindlessly Facebooking and MySpacing all day. And, I have pretty much caught up on my “Arrested Development” watching. Coo-coo-ka-cha! Coo-coo-ka-cha!


I was like an ostrich who had run to throw his head in the sand, avoiding all human contact. Choosing not to pleasure others but rather to play with myself....hm...

I want to apologize to all readers out there for the lax attitude I have taken towards such an important pillar of the world (that’s right…the world). There are so many of you who turn to the JUhS for your daily entertainment, escape, enlightenment, enhancement and episodic elevation. There are so many of you who turn to the JUhS for your daily news updates (it IS like 1318% accurate…every time). There are so many of you who turn to the extremely dedicated and hardworking Dads: Derek, Michael Thomas/Jade and Andrew for your daily affirmations that the world offers better things than violence, greed, hate, “Dancing with the Stars”, Nickelback, Little Man, and, of course, John Buccigross. You…no…WE have so much to thank the Dad’s for that a bucket full of doubloons and some oiled up coeds could never approach our debt to them.

As a means of appeasing and paying the debt of my absence, I offer you this: THE TRUE STORY OF THE BIRTH OF THE JUhS. I remember the day on the JUBL Court (when it was merely “the court”) when the idea of a blog was hatched. Shortly there after, 4 objects fell from the stars to the 4 corners of the earth. Scientists, the media and world leaders covered it up and no one knew a thing. But we did…somehow….not really sure how…but we did. But what were these objects? We threw our inquiries towards the scientists, the media and world leaders and they told us they were “a combination of falling stars and/or meteors and/or leftover pieces of the Space Shuttle Columbia”. However, they were lying-ass liar pants just lying to us. Much like the dudes from Voltron (minus 1) we scattered to the ends of the earth and learned the ways of these machines (that we found, by the way). We decided the machines would best be used for blogging and somehow THE JUhS WAS BORNED. Daily, the dudes known as the Founding Dads would churn out entries for the masses. Sometimes employing a shotgun approach to blogging by just throwing out massive quantums of fodder occasionally hitting the genius bullseye. Other times, it was as if Moses himself was chiseling the world-wide-web with a typewriter made of gold and Godiva chocolate. In the beginning we were like David Freeman trying to pilot Max: we could kind of keep the ship levitated just enough to bump into shit inside the NASA hanger. However, before long we were zipping through time and space with a cute little alien on our shoulder singing Beach Boys.

There was an immense amount of responsibility placed up the shoulders of us dudes and ¾ of us have carried that burden. For over a year now, Derek, Michael Thomas/Jade, and Andrew (as well as numerous special contributors) have carried the JUhS on their backs like soldiers carrying dead dudes. And before this turns into another JUhS birthday entry, I just wanted to say: “I’m sorry” for abandoning my post and for my utter failure to the world.

However, I am rededicating myself to this cause and to this family of JUhS Dudes. I will be here on those days when you’re sitting in your cubicle all bored and stuff. I will be here on those days when you wake up hung over from the night before wondering what the news in the world of music or movies is. I will be here when there are updates in the struggle between man and fish. I will be here. Period. Mostly because of house arrest. I will be here with my fragmented sentences, typos, virtual abortion of grammar, misuse of punctuation and overuse of “…”. I only hope that you can soon accept me back as a Founding Dad and that my Founding Dads will hold in their arms again…slowly letting their arms slide down my back to the curves of my ass and proceed with a playful cup and a pinch. I know it will take time and I expect nothing...but...I will be here.

So watch out, assholes. Andy’s back.